How are you?
So, for the many (2) of you who were wondering what happened to your least favorite blogger over the past few days, I want you to know I was safe and having a really good time in this place referred to by professional geographers as Up North.
In fact, if you're really interested in how my vacation was you can visit any local Barnes and No-Balls, walk directly to the nearest postcard rack, look for various Minnesotan postcards featuring activities such as fishing and swimming and pretty much get the gist of it. If you're really interested, venture into the Minnesota aisle and pick up a Sounds of the Common Loon CD and you'll really get the whole, big drive-in picture.
However reader, one thing distinguishes my trip up to the North Country from the trip of the usual Minnesotan and that is I met Lucette, girlfriend of Paul Bunyan.
Naturally, I was astounded to meet Lucette, but like other large creatures of the freshwater lakes, she ended up being more frightened of me than I of her.
So, read carefully, as I explore the delightful, and at times, incredibly modern sides of our beloved Lucette: First Girlfriend of Minnesota
Pistola Whipped (PW): Lucette, how did you and Paul first meet?
Lucette (L): Well, kinda like the way you kids meet on the Internet these days. I carved my name and campsite on the side of a birch tree and Paul tore off the bark and slipped it into his gunnysack before chopping the tree down. Later he looked me up.
PW: So, he just stomped into your campsite unannounced or what?
L: Well, the thing about Paul is he is so big you could hear him coming from a mile away. And Babe, the damned Blue Ox, smells to high heaven, so between the two of them I always know when he was on his way.
PW: Was it scandalous back in the day to be Paul's girlfriend and not his wife?
L: Oh, my yes. People in those days so much as looked at each other and they were married. Needless to say, Paul and I were the talk of the North Country, especially with his uncanny way of knowing what village everyone was from upon meeting them. That really freaked the settlers out.
PW: Lucette, you're a big gal, and I mean that with no disrespect, but Paul, he created lakes back in his day...he's huge! How did the two of you, you know...make more lakes?
L: (Laughing) Your generation is so forthright. I don't know. We figured it out, probably much like you kids do. We would meet at various wood-chopping competitions around the state where Paul was competing and sneak away from the old folks and you know, figure our way around the ol' pine cone.
PW: Did you ever think about other men than Paul?
L: I suppose I did. I briefly dated Johnny Appleseed. He was a bit too much of a roamer for me and at the time I was a good, God-fearing Midwestern woman that I continue to be today. Before that I went with John Henry for a bit, but he was kind of a control freak and had a one-track kind of mind.
PW: How do you put up with Babe the Blue Ox?
L: It's been a bit of a touch-and-go situation for Paul and I these past 150+ years, as far as Babe goes. She comes in handy with some chores and such. I guess (Lucette mightily signs) as any jealous female can, she gets as temperamental as a Northwoods patch of mosquitoes and can hook me or Paul with her horns as fast as Paul can feld a white pine tree. After we've detached ourselves we usually have to ground her to the barn for a piece.
PW: Lucette, it's been a pleasure meeting a Minnesota icon and heroine. Is there any advice you have to modern couples seeking the longevity you and Paul have shared?
L: I don't know. Stick to the basics: campfires and starlight dances. Perhaps have a basic understanding of how to properly wash flannel clothing? I hope that helps you, the future men and women of the North Country.
