Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Pistola goes to first base with Justin Morneau...


How are you earthlings?

I’m well up here in the blogosphere. It’s been a little lonely, but I’ve been passing the time trying to find a blog post worthy of reading, by you, my dearest readers.

And I think it finally happened. I went out and interviewed many celebrities both alive and dead. I cured cancer. I re-wrote the American Constitution. Yet, after hours upon grueling hours of searching…I took it back to what I know. And what I know is Minnesotans.

So, with no further ado here is:

A little chatter with Minnesota Twins first baseman Canadian Justin Morneau:

PWGAL: Hi Justin!

JM: Hi there. How are ya?

PWGAL: Oh fine. And you? [cracks open a Labatt Blue and winks at Justin].

JM: Doing great.

PWGAL: On behalf of me and my fellow citizens welcome to America! [Pistola enunciating words slowly]

JM: Thanks. I’ve lived here for about six years now. I’m married to an American and I play baseball in America. Plus, Canada isn’t too far from here. So, I guess you could say I feel pretty American.

PWGAL: Right. If you’re so American name our current president?

JM: Barack Obama.

PWGAL: [checks with assistant to see if Justin is right] Yes that is correct. So, let’s get back to you being a first baseman. Do you ever dream of getting to second or third base?

JM: Well, not really. I’m comfortable at first base. I don’t think that getting to play second or third base is necessarily a measure of skill, but more a level of finding out what you're good at and sticking with it.

PWGAL: Doesn’t anyone apply pressure to you to round the bases?

JM: Well, perhaps when I’m at bat, but when I’m playing first base, no.

PWGAL: At bat, aye? Is that what they call it in Canada?

JM: Call what exactly?

PWGAL: You know.

JM: No, I don’t think I do.

PWGAL: Come on Justin. I know you’re Canadian and all, but really? We’re talking about SEX! You’re a first baseman: guy who likes a little kissing before scoring the big home run.

JM: Wow, you think that I’m a professional kisser?

PWGAL: Naturally.

JM: No, I play baseball, a sport, as a professional in Major League Baseball for the Minnesota Twins.

PWGAL: I’m really not familiar with baseball or sports.

JM: Listen. I need to head to batting practice. Can we wrap this up?

PWGAL: Sure, Justin. Here’s a little parting gift from me [Pistola leans in for a kiss].

JM: You’re nuts. [Justin takes can of Labatt out of Pistola’s hands and whips it at her head.]

Interview abruptly ends.