How are you earthlings?
I’m well up here in the blogosphere. It’s been a little lonely, but I’ve been passing the time trying to find a blog post worthy of reading, by you, my dearest readers.
And I think it finally happened. I went out and interviewed many celebrities both alive and dead. I cured cancer. I re-wrote the American Constitution. Yet, after hours upon grueling hours of searching…I took it back to what I know. And what I know is Minnesotans.
So, with no further ado here is:
A little chatter with Minnesota Twins first baseman Canadian Justin Morneau:
PWGAL: Hi Justin!
JM: Hi there. How are ya?
PWGAL: Oh fine. And you? [cracks open a Labatt Blue and winks at Justin].
JM: Doing great.
PWGAL: On behalf of me and my fellow citizens welcome to America! [Pistola enunciating words slowly]
JM: Thanks. I’ve lived here for about six years now. I’m married to an American and I play baseball in America. Plus, Canada isn’t too far from here. So, I guess you could say I feel pretty American.
PWGAL: Right. If you’re so American name our current president?
JM: Barack Obama.
PWGAL: [checks with assistant to see if Justin is right] Yes that is correct. So, let’s get back to you being a first baseman. Do you ever dream of getting to second or third base?
JM: Well, not really. I’m comfortable at first base. I don’t think that getting to play second or third base is necessarily a measure of skill, but more a level of finding out what you're good at and sticking with it.
PWGAL: Doesn’t anyone apply pressure to you to round the bases?
JM: Well, perhaps when I’m at bat, but when I’m playing first base, no.
PWGAL: At bat, aye? Is that what they call it in Canada?
JM: Call what exactly?
PWGAL: You know.
JM: No, I don’t think I do.
PWGAL: Come on Justin. I know you’re Canadian and all, but really? We’re talking about SEX! You’re a first baseman: guy who likes a little kissing before scoring the big home run.
JM: Wow, you think that I’m a professional kisser?
JM: No, I play baseball, a sport, as a professional in Major League Baseball for the Minnesota Twins.
PWGAL: I’m really not familiar with baseball or sports.
JM: Listen. I need to head to batting practice. Can we wrap this up?
PWGAL: Sure, Justin. Here’s a little parting gift from me [Pistola leans in for a kiss].
JM: You’re nuts. [Justin takes can of Labatt out of Pistola’s hands and whips it at her head.]
Interview abruptly ends.