Tuesday, July 28, 2009



A half-assed apology is needed.


My last blog post sucked worse than all the previous ones.


This post will be short.

Why do invididual Dove chocolates have those fucking stupid sayings on the inside?

I just opened one that said, 'carve out a moment for yourself today.'

Fuck off, Dove.


Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Reminiscing about blog reveals unfortunate truths...


I kinda forgot about the original plan and direction for this blog. When I started it many, many years ago I was trying to find a life. Since then I bought a house and thought I may have found the life I had been looking for. I think the only thing I've found is surprise that I still have not burned the house to the ground.

Amazing, I know.

It's a big, hard slap in the face when the realization dawns upon you that a mortgage, a water heater and property taxes doesn't get you a life. In fact, it gets you broke, distrustful of your shower's ability to stay warm whilst shaving your legs and resentful of the city of Mpls. when you drive over a pothole.

Enough about homeowner me, let's talk about me back when I started this blog...

Remember when I used to do bits? And post pictures? Oh, the good ol' days.

Well, let's bring the blog back!
Pistola whipped will get a goddamn life someday!
Let's kickstart it back up with a fan favorite.

Pistola Whipped gets a life by wanting to be this person:

Tony Mullins, Detective from Memphis

Never heard of him? That's probably okay. I only have because of my morbid fascination with crime shows. I think he has a cool job. He's a homicide detective on A&E's '48 Hours.' I've never seen Old Man Mullins in any other shows, movies, etc., so I'm starting to believe this show is legit.

So, Tone Toni Tony Mullins is one tough, cool individual and I've seen him do some crazy shit on this show without puking everywhere. A&E will play '48 Hours' continuously until they finally break into some bullshit show like 'The Cleaner.'

When the last '48 Hours' is aired I experience something I'd liken to withdrawals from nicotine, heroin and/or Scope mouthwash. The thought, 'Pistola, how many people have to die before I'm satisfied?' loops endlessly through my head. It's gotten so prevalent I think I may end up appearing on A&E's other gem of a show: 'Intervention.'

Peace Out,
P.W. Mullins

Friday, July 10, 2009

Dear Wisconsin...

Get your weekend on...

How am I going to do that, you may ask?

Well, by crossing the Mighty Mississippi and showing those 'Scony folks how to do it, I reply!

I love people from Wisconsin. My friend slash co-worker Jen showed me exactly where she and her Nuevo Man vacationed last weekend in Wisconsin by holding out her hand and pointing to the webbed place between her thumb and pointer finger.


Anyway, have a great weekend. It's a good day to be alive.


Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Sshhhh...don't tell and sell the stock...


This summer stuff is sure catchy.

Don't you hate secrets? Doyncha?

I have a secret. And it's the kind of secret that I absolutely cannot tell anyone cuz it would let down this group of people I refer to as my friends, who are relying on me to keep my freakin' trap shut!

So, let us discuss other things
My cat almost got stuck in a tree tonight, I like the new Sunvolt song better than the new Wilco song, Al Franken....OH! WHO AM I FOOLING?

It's killing me.

Eventually I will be able to reveal the secret...with photos.

You know the times your relationship with someone is going so well it gets a little scary? The relationship is so great you would actually sell all of your Rax fast-food restaurant stock at bargain prices just to buy them a bomb pop from the ice cream truck tooling down your street. And wouldn't it be even greater if you could hang from that precipitous slope with no fear? Just let yourself casually slip off and fall with no expectations or reservations, not caring that the safety net may or may not be there when you land?

Maybe it's time to sell the stock and admit that Rax will probably never make the comeback it's rightfully entitled to.

Until then, I remain,
Whipped by the Pistol

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Freedom, Twitter and Madonna...


How did y'all enjoy your day of freedom?

Mine was enjoyed properly with copious amounts of gin and

So, I finally ventured into the world of Twitter.

I signed up for an account last night because my father asked me to join via a standard, Twitter-generated request. Perhaps dad really wants me to join Twitter, I thought, as I signed up. Oddly enough, his account wasn't even on there when I did join. I think my dad faked me out. I'm pretty sure my dad did that on purpose. Wow. This will take me a few minutes to get over...

Moving on, I am no longer on Twitter. It took me two goddamn hours to figure out how to disengage my account-but by golly! I did it!

In other uninteresting news, Adult Jen and I drove down to Austin the other night to see Kimi's brand-spanking new, cute as a kitty, shiny, tiny, sleepy, beautiful little boy and we had ourselves a MIGHTY DISCUSSION:

What Mpls/St. Paul venue would you like to see Artist X perform?

For example...
Prince at First Avenue (duh!)
Beastie Boys at TRSC
Dolly Parton at Seville

And then we went dancing after fireworks on the 4th at the Front and the discussion continued...
Love the dj in the Dr. Seuss hat who's been doing up that gig for years, but wouldn't it be great if just one night Madonna dialed it in at the Front?

Let's get to it,
Pisty Whipped