Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Pistola hands out Oscars...


In light of all the Oscar hoopla happening right now, I thought I would smack you upside the head with Pistola's take on the Hollywood haps. Put your bifocals on because here is:

Pistola hosts her own Academy Award party...and you're invited!

Please folks, spare us the vintage gowns and more-expensive-than-your-house diamond necklaces. Not to worry-we don't judge you based on what eating disorder got you in that Dolce & Gabbana, we're more concerned with eating just enough to keep our Hanes Her Way looking good.

Now that we got the dress code taken care of, let's take a look at the nominations.

In the first category:
Actress that most resembles Pistola Whipped

1.) Angelina Jolie-Salt
I haven't actually seen this movie, but I get compared to Angelina all the time.

2.) Natalie Portman-Black Swan. I also haven't seen this movie. If I'm not getting mistaken for Angelina then it's invariably for Nat.

Moving on...

Best picture of 2010 based on how hot the leading actor is

1.) Mark Ruffalo-The Kids are All Right.

2.) These three guys from Inception. From left: Tommy from the TV show Third Rock from the Sun, the hot guy from The Departed and some other hot guy who may or may not have been in this movie because I'm not sure if I saw this movie or if it was a dream that was planted in my brain.

3.) Ryan Gosling in Blue Valentine.

Yeah, so what? He made out with a blow-up doll once. I'll tell ya this, readers, what RG does for Levi jeans in this movie is what Patrick Swayze did for the mullet in another Oscar-caliber flick: Roadhouse.

4.) Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart. Yes, I realize I'm a year late with this one, but I didn't actually see this movie until...yesterday?

An overweight, drunken, sad bastard gets my vote any day in the movies or in real life. Personally, I think that The Dude should be given some type of award every year.

And last but not least

Movies I want to see because the main character reminds me of my friends

1.) Nenette

And the friend that leaps to mind? Jenna!

Please post your picks.

Big shout-out to Smokey Jenz CMob for co-collaboratin'. Hopefully one day Gosling will pay you a visit.

Thanks for attending,
MC Pistola Whipped


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Now the Oscars is the most unworthy award ever... even a mediocre production can win it.

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