Thank you for checking Pistola Whipped gets a life for your official grade from the Saturday night sauna party. People who did not attend are encouraged to read and start their work-outs for the next opportunity to party and be graded by yours truly.
Here we go:
Jenna 'my gray pussy hair is woven into a meaningful, Native American basket' N.:
A+ for first to arrive, last to leave
A+ for wearing a costume
A+ for drinking one bottle of wine, a half case of beer and a shot of Ny-Quil the night before and then drinking three times as much the rest of the weekend and still looking good, well as good as Jenna's ever gonna look
A+ for an A+ Papes game
A+ for partying on Sunday
Total Grade= A+
Anne 'why can't I grow pubic hair' R.
A+ for having the party
A+ for no ER visits
D for not putting lasagna in fridge overnight for post-party snacking
A+ for partying the next day
Total Grade= A+
Kiwi 'she earned her name by sucking every cock in New Zealand on a whistle-stop tour' B.:
A+ for driving the furthest for party time
A+ for having the 'oh shit moment of the night' when a frozen Guinness exploded in her face
A+ for sticking to only two mimosas on Sunday
Total Grade=A+
Jen 'do I need allergy meds or did someone just cum in my eye' MoMo:
A+ for edamame hummus
A+ for writing 'I wanna take you clown town Jenna...peen' in the nastiest, best semi-professional Papes game ever played
B- for almost choosing to watch TV and feeling sorry for herself on Sunday instead of partying
Total Grade=A
Aileen 'give it to me rough' Char-Char
A+ for bringing the Grain Belts and Crock Pot meatballs
A for kicking it in the sauna for a super long, almost unhealthily long time
A for marrying Justin and hanging with his sister's friends
Total Grade=A
Nichole 'do it to me one more time (in my ear)' K.:
A for doing dance party, sauna party and Papes party all in one night
A for staying until the wee hours of the night
A for diving right into the game of Papes and playing like a pro (see Jenna N. above)
Total Grade=A
Heather 'I wear tampons in my tear ducts' B.:
A for finally playing Papes like a champ and bringing more beer
C+ for coming late to the party
A+ for partying the next day
Total Grade=A
Nell 'she was dressed like she wanted it' B.:
A for bringing a little Martha Stewart to an otherwise prison inmate-like party
B- for not getting Dan to somehow take off his clothes
A- for putting the semi into semi-professional Papes
Total Grade=A-
Gina 'sweats VD' B.:
A+ for bringing a Diet Coke to the party in order to ease her hangover from the night before and only drinking one sip before switching to booze
A- for bringing Jenna's mom into a Papes round: in Barb's large and in charge vagina
B for partying the next day, albeit not with us
Total Grade=A
Leecy 'lick me left, I'll lick you right' Free-Free:
C for showing up, like, 11 or 12 hours late
A for last to leave
A for having the most remarkable hair change, or having in the words of Jen, 'spooge-white hair'
Total Grade=B+
Jessica C.
D for having only two drinks because she had to work at Gymboree the next morning
A for having only two drinks because she had to work at Gymboree the next morning
B+ for tolerating Kiwi's friends and liking us, I think
Total Grade=B+
Jen W.
C for being the first to leave
A for being one of the first to show
B for drinking six Coors Lites in one sitting
Total Grade=B+
Nikki W.
C for being late and leaving early
B+ for showing up wasted
B+ for having solo dance party
Total Grade=B+
Kimi L.
Didn't make it for legitimate reasons, can make up at later date.
Total Grade=I (incomplete)
Jennee 'should have, could have, sometimes on my lifepath' D.
B for funny, papes like pre-party email/text banter
D for not coming to the party
Total Grade=U (unexcused)
And our honorary party attendee:
Dan 'one pump, I mean one pape' K.
A for being the Cindrella story in the game of Papes
D for being the only male
Total Grade=C
And here is a little something to leave you with:
Jenna 'Gym Teacher' Nerb Nerb doing the ol' 'elastic riding up her butt, causing friction with her butt hair'.
1 comment:
I want to dispute my grade. I'm totally a B-.
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